You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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