Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
