I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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