this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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