I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
