This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
