I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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