Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
