you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
