Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
