Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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