i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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