Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
