Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
