Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
