i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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