I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
