I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have fence marks all over my body
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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