Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
