Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
