I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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