this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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