just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize