What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Michael Bay diarrhea
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
