She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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