Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so that wasnt chicken after all
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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