I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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