party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
