Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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