I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
