Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
