Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
