So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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