roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
