I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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