i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
