You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
