We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
