Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
