Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
