I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
