piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
