I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
