Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
