he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
