***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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