Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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