It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
