It's Friday. Sex?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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