Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
