We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
