Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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