Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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