shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
