guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
