My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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