He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm really busy with my period
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