so that wasnt chicken after all
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
