im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
