The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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