My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
