Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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