so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
