I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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