Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
