chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
