he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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