Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
