if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
