Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
