Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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