i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
