You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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